I have been an awful ‘blogger’ lately, I know! What kind of blogger lets their site sit seemingly untouched for months? (hint: me, apparently!)
Firstly, I just wanted to apologise. I’m sorry I haven’t written or published nearly as many posts as I thought that I would have by now, but life has gotten in the way. Luckily for you, I feel like I’m in a position now to give you all an update on what I’ve been up to (both ‘blog’ and ‘non-blog’ related) and what my plans are for the near future. I’m also sorry if this isn’t the kind of post you were expecting, but I felt I owed it to you before I continued with any other ‘normal’ content.
I last posted here in April, where I gave you an update on my cosmetics bag and the work I was doing to ensure that the products I was using were cruelty-free (see post HERE). And then, I just went a bit… silent? Obviously, this wasn’t my intention, but it was what happened. So, what antics have been occurring since?
I intended to write another beauty-based post immediately, as that was holding my interest at the time, but clearly, that didn’t happen!
Honestly, my health has been all over the place, and it still is. It’s highly frustrating and hinders my ability to just get things done. It’s a little upsetting as well because I was in this exact position this time last year and even before last summer. I dropped out of uni in March 2021 because everything was getting harder to handle, and it was looking likely that I was going to be sent to hospital (I didn’t go in the end, and I wonder if things would be different if my team continued to pursue a bed but I guess we’ll never know!). Having both mental and physical health conditions puts your body through so much turmoil every single day, and I simply haven’t had all the right support yet to help manage it.
I’m not out for sympathy or attention, by the way. I’m simply stating a fact that has affected my ability to do what I wanted, and it sucks!
Around that, I had a few good days out. Again, I intended on publishing some posts about them in some cases, but the post-‘high’ crash after each event was dreadful, and by the time I’d decided to write a post, I’d forgotten many of the details! I have tried to keep engagement flowing over on my TikTok and Instagram by discussing more of my day-to-day life there (and I think it has worked, I’ve gained so many lovely Instagram followers lately!)
In late April, I got my self-propelled wheelchair which was kindly funded by a local charity. It has been a godsend in managing energy levels some days, but unfortunately not enough for me to continue writing blog posts! As mentioned in the last paragraph, I have been finding it a bit easy to share details of my life and interests in bite-sized chunks on social media. I’d rather do that than churn out poorly-written, short blog posts. I’d done that on previous blogs, and I felt the website was being clogged up by unsatisfactory content. I want to keep this blog detailed, high-quality and as engaging as I can (aka my best blog yet!), hence why I wanted to skip the boring space fillers! I want this blog to be a haven for my interests, my life, and education about things important to me. I want to produce content that people actually want to spend time reading and sharing with their peers. On one of my old blogs, I wrote a post about a time I went to a trampoline park, and I’m sure if it still existed right now, it would be the most shrivelled up, driest, most boring thing to exist on the internet. It was quite literally a few bad-quality images and about 100 words summing up the experience. Honestly, I’m laughing now thinking about it! (you can too, I shan’t be offended!)
Anyway, got slightly sidetracked there! In early May, I started working harder on my Instagram content, and I believe it has paid off! I started focusing on both my stories and feed content, and it’s become one of (the very few things) I enjoy so much now! Sharing your life is one thing, but enjoying sharing your life, the ups and downs, is another quite satisfying ball game! This effort reflected on my TikTok account as well, since I upload my TikToks as Reels on Instagram, and while I haven’t grown too much there, I’m having fun, and that is what matters! I’ve been sharing outfits and recipes and also a lot of ‘educational’/awareness posts, some of which will translate into blog ‘master’-type posts soon! I’m going to try and collate the information I’ve shared the last few months into blog-type posts – as soon as I find the energy! It shouldn’t be too difficult as I’ve already done half the work; I just need to be proactive and turn my intentions into proactivity!
May was Ehlers-Danlos Awareness month, which is a condition I possess. I churned out a few posts on Instagram relating to it, and I wanted to write a blog post as well, but ironically enough, I was also plagued by fatigue. Fatigue, ADHD and depression alone are enough to stop some people dead in their tracks, and that, on top of my other conditions, has definitely hindered me! I wish so much that I could wake up and crack on with things, but it doesn’t seem to work like that for me!
June was Pride Month, and I came out as asexual and (I think) aromatic. It just seemed like the right time, y’know! As you probably have guessed, I did want to write a blog post on it, but other things got in the way! I will write a blog post about it, though, I feel like it’s something that needs to be talked about!
In late May/early June, I started a new project about the London Underground. I did a small project as part of my photography A-Level and essentially wanted to do it again, bigger and better. It’s currently named Ella On The Rails, and I have an Instagram account and a few YouTube videos about it. I will write a blog post, too; the project is a bit slow-paced currently, but I’m hoping talking about it more will help me pick up my passion again!
Also, in June, I started a type of therapy called CBT-T, standing for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy – Ten (meaning it’s spaced over 10 1 hour sessions). it’s a shorted form of the Eating Disorder therapy, CBT-E, for people who aren’t underweight and don’t have anorexia. As much as I’m happy I’m finally being listened to, the choice of therapy upset me. My diagnosis is Anorexia Nervosa, and I may be a healthy weight, but it’s so SO hypocritical of them telling me time and time again that my weight doesn’t matter and then !boom! therapy that isn’t for underweight people. It’s a massive massive kick in the teeth, from an ED perspective because my weight levelled out despite still being quite disordered and sick (physically) I feel like I’m being penalised for it, like I’m not sick enough to do the proper version of the therapy. I have so many pent-up emotions about it, I hate it so much. But, ah, that’s for another day; I won’t bore you with the details… I can hear it now “you should be happy you’re EVEN getting therapy”, mate, I wish I could be! AGH, I’ll stop talking about that now before my laptop gets lobbed across the house.
Anorexia is taking over my entire life, and honestly, I’m confused because I’m just letting it? I don’t think I want to do anything about it yet, which is something I’m definitely going to get cyberbullied for but I dug my own grave there really… I can’t handle anything yet, I’m sorry…
After that accidental insight into my brain there, sorry, I have one last thing to share that I’ve done lately before talking about the future:
I OPENED A SHOP; you can find it HERE! It’s only got one little product in it at the moment, but I’m hoping to expand my range. The current product is a small pocket ‘Crisis Card‘ that you can carry around with you and show to someone if you find yourself in a situation you really need to leave. I hope it’s useful for some of you, I have one myself! I also have a free printout version on THIS post, but the ones in my shop are printed on premium business card, so are much more durable, and I appreciate as well that not everyone has access to a printer! So, yay!
That brings us up to speed, pretty much! So what’s on my agenda next?
My place to study Medical Science at Oxford Brookes University in September has officially been confirmed! I’ve been up to Oxford a few times now for a nosey, especially as we’ve been trying to source accessible accommodation, which should hopefully be finalised when I go for another visit next week! Woo!
In the meantime, I am going to try and get back into this blog, but as I’ve stated, my health is being extremely temperamental and it is very very frustrating! I’m worried that I’ll face the same fate at uni this time as I did last time; I’m actually scared. We’ve already started trying to get my social care moved across to Oxford, though as well as my DSA support, so hopefully, I’ll be able to manage at least a little bit… hopefully… I’m having a lot of gastro issues, and the gastro department are being difficult, as well as the main mental health services. It’s been so hard to deal with and I’m at my wits end to be honest! Ahh!
I have a trip to London with my friends though just before I go to uni. We’re going to see Mamma Mia the musical, so that will be good. I think one of my friends might make a Butlins trip with me at some point too, as we live not too far from one, so hopefully, that’ll be good too!
I’m sorry this post turned into a bit of a ramble, I just wanted to fill in some of the gaps as to why I haven’t been posting much. I hope it makes sense!
Remember to give me a follow on social media if you haven’t already:
- Instagram: @Sprinkles.of.Ella and @EllaOnTheRails
- TikTok: @SprinklesOfElla
I really hope that I’ll get round to writing more posts soon, I love you all so much!